12.22.2011
It's over A.K!!! Hahaha you're finally history, a new chapter to my book of life. I sit here right now writing as you try to work things out with me, trying to mend our former relationship that you just realized you ruined a while ago. It's too late now buddy. There is nothing to fix because we are OVER!!! You made me fall in and out of love with you. Now you're begging me to come back and try to work things out but I've made up my mind. I need someone who talks to me, is my age, cares, tells me the truth, a relationship that can be public, that actually has a chance. I'm trying to be nice, and I am, but you're are blowing this WAY out of proportion. The last thing I need right now is a messy break up. I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not going to be nearly upset about this breakup as you are. You brought this upon yourself. I'd like to be friends and right now that's my main focus with you. Maybe you're right and maybe we will end up together someday but there's more of a chance that you're wrong. But who knows? We'll just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Not So Devoted Anymore
12.18.2011
Like everything else there are bumps and obstacles along the way. Well we hit one and he somewhat ruined the way I feel. But it's his own fault he did it to himself. I'm not so sure how he feels about me anymore either ever though I did absolutely nothing wrong. I don't know if we're going to make it now. It seems like there is a lot of unnecessary stress between us that neither one of us created. If there was someone else closer to home that I could see myself with, I would choose that guy in a heartbeat. I guess I'm just not so devoted anymore and I don't think I'm the only one feeling that way.
Like everything else there are bumps and obstacles along the way. Well we hit one and he somewhat ruined the way I feel. But it's his own fault he did it to himself. I'm not so sure how he feels about me anymore either ever though I did absolutely nothing wrong. I don't know if we're going to make it now. It seems like there is a lot of unnecessary stress between us that neither one of us created. If there was someone else closer to home that I could see myself with, I would choose that guy in a heartbeat. I guess I'm just not so devoted anymore and I don't think I'm the only one feeling that way.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Pickle Eaten=Problem Solved
11.30.2011
I ate the pickle and boy it was a good one :) A.K. and I made amends and fixed everything and boy am I glad. He is now my boyfriend and the love of my life as cheesy as that sounds. I love him so much and he loves me even more which is hard for me to believe. He's the Romeo to my Juliet (we're dating in secret because of my parents but shh don't tell). I hope things work out between us. He wants to get married and what girl doesn't wanna know who she's marrying but it seems way too early to be talking about something like that. Well I'll talk more some other time but I gotta go. <3
I ate the pickle and boy it was a good one :) A.K. and I made amends and fixed everything and boy am I glad. He is now my boyfriend and the love of my life as cheesy as that sounds. I love him so much and he loves me even more which is hard for me to believe. He's the Romeo to my Juliet (we're dating in secret because of my parents but shh don't tell). I hope things work out between us. He wants to get married and what girl doesn't wanna know who she's marrying but it seems way too early to be talking about something like that. Well I'll talk more some other time but I gotta go. <3
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
In a Pickle
10.8.2011
I am in such a dilemma! I don't know what to do. The guy that I was hopelessly devoted to is not all that I thought he was. One of our mutual friends told me things about him like the fact that he likes another girl who goes to college with him. I wasn't supposed to know this but I obviously found out anyway. I asked him about it one day and it was true and it broke my heart because he was the one who asked me not to break his heart and he is the one who turned around and stabbed me in the back breaking mine. He tried to make amends but now I can see the truth behind his lies but I can't help it but still have feelings for him even though I know I shouldn't. And then I think out of desperation I like someone else the tiniest bit. I think I only like him so I won't like A.K. anymore but I honestly have no idea. I just need to make a decision fast and hope it's the right one.
I am in such a dilemma! I don't know what to do. The guy that I was hopelessly devoted to is not all that I thought he was. One of our mutual friends told me things about him like the fact that he likes another girl who goes to college with him. I wasn't supposed to know this but I obviously found out anyway. I asked him about it one day and it was true and it broke my heart because he was the one who asked me not to break his heart and he is the one who turned around and stabbed me in the back breaking mine. He tried to make amends but now I can see the truth behind his lies but I can't help it but still have feelings for him even though I know I shouldn't. And then I think out of desperation I like someone else the tiniest bit. I think I only like him so I won't like A.K. anymore but I honestly have no idea. I just need to make a decision fast and hope it's the right one.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Hopelessly Devoted
10.30.2011
Yes I am a dork and quoted a Grease song but it's true. I'm hopelessly devoted to you A.K. and you are to me as well. We'll make it I hope. Age is just a number. 5 years isn't that much. I want to be with you and I don't care what anyone says. You make me so incredibly happy. Every time I talk to you I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart skips a beat. I'm smiling constantly now because of you and I love it. You say the sweetest things to me. I know I make you feel the same way. I want you and only you babe and nothing can get in our way...I hope.
Yes I am a dork and quoted a Grease song but it's true. I'm hopelessly devoted to you A.K. and you are to me as well. We'll make it I hope. Age is just a number. 5 years isn't that much. I want to be with you and I don't care what anyone says. You make me so incredibly happy. Every time I talk to you I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart skips a beat. I'm smiling constantly now because of you and I love it. You say the sweetest things to me. I know I make you feel the same way. I want you and only you babe and nothing can get in our way...I hope.
Monday, August 22, 2011
What does it mean?
8.22.2011
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about one person, literally? Because there is this guy, stupid I know can't stop thinking about a guy, but I met him once and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since then and I don't know what to do about it. It's now or never and I don't know if he's worth it...
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about one person, literally? Because there is this guy, stupid I know can't stop thinking about a guy, but I met him once and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since then and I don't know what to do about it. It's now or never and I don't know if he's worth it...
Monday, August 15, 2011
Lying
8.15.2011
I've been lying to myself. Telling myself I'm fine and happy with my life. But the truth is that I can't rely on myself to make me happy. I need other things and people to make me happy. Then, when I look all around me and on Facebook and see that my friends are as happy as can be, I realize it's because they have a significant other there for them. That's what I said before I wasn't going to focus on but I can't help it--it's what I want most. I'm trying so hard not to be jealous of my friends and to not focus on being in a relationship but it's too hard. I don't know what to do anymore.
I've been lying to myself. Telling myself I'm fine and happy with my life. But the truth is that I can't rely on myself to make me happy. I need other things and people to make me happy. Then, when I look all around me and on Facebook and see that my friends are as happy as can be, I realize it's because they have a significant other there for them. That's what I said before I wasn't going to focus on but I can't help it--it's what I want most. I'm trying so hard not to be jealous of my friends and to not focus on being in a relationship but it's too hard. I don't know what to do anymore.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Making Progress
8.5.2011
My life is getting better, finally! Things with my mom are better and I'm regaining a lot of confidence. My amazing friends have been with me the whole way so far and I totally appreciate it. I just hope things stay on the positive side because I don't know if i can go back to being negative..
My life is getting better, finally! Things with my mom are better and I'm regaining a lot of confidence. My amazing friends have been with me the whole way so far and I totally appreciate it. I just hope things stay on the positive side because I don't know if i can go back to being negative..
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Mama Drama
8.3.2011
Every girl has a group of best friends and for a lot of those girls, their mom is one of them. My mom and I used to be that way but lately we've completely lost each other. And it's killing me. Everyone needs a mom and now I know what it feels like to not have one and it sucks. I can't take not having my best friend anymore. </3
Every girl has a group of best friends and for a lot of those girls, their mom is one of them. My mom and I used to be that way but lately we've completely lost each other. And it's killing me. Everyone needs a mom and now I know what it feels like to not have one and it sucks. I can't take not having my best friend anymore. </3
Monday, August 1, 2011
Dreams
8.1.2011
Do you ever wish that the dreams you had when you're sleeping came true sometimes? I do because I had the best dream ever last night. People always say the wishes and dreams come true but for me they never do and for once I just want this one dream to come true.
Do you ever wish that the dreams you had when you're sleeping came true sometimes? I do because I had the best dream ever last night. People always say the wishes and dreams come true but for me they never do and for once I just want this one dream to come true.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Back in Time
7.31.2011
I know I said I wasn't going to think about guys or love or anything but yesterday when I went to the mall with my best friend, there was the absolute cutest guy ever there. And I don't want to sound obsessed because I'm not, but for some reason I felt butterflies every time I saw him. I don't know if that means anything but to me it felt like it. I would give anything in the world to see him again to have the chance to talk to him because I was too chicken to yesterday. If I would have been there for another 15 minutes, I would've talked to him. I just hope I see him at least one more time so I can find out who this mystery guy is I flirted with.
I know I said I wasn't going to think about guys or love or anything but yesterday when I went to the mall with my best friend, there was the absolute cutest guy ever there. And I don't want to sound obsessed because I'm not, but for some reason I felt butterflies every time I saw him. I don't know if that means anything but to me it felt like it. I would give anything in the world to see him again to have the chance to talk to him because I was too chicken to yesterday. If I would have been there for another 15 minutes, I would've talked to him. I just hope I see him at least one more time so I can find out who this mystery guy is I flirted with.
Friday, July 29, 2011
A Fresh Start
7.29.2011
I'm starting a new chapter of my life and I want to share it with everyone. I'm trying hard not to focus on finding love again because then I'd be growing up too fast. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I need to focus on my friends, family, and future. Now that I'm 15 and a sophomore, I need to focus on my goal in life, becoming a pediatric oncologist. The only way I can get there is to start over, turn over a new leaf and find out who I really am. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking lately and it's made me realize that I know who my friends are, what I like, and what I like to do but I don't know whose friends they are or who likes to do those things. Right now, I just need to find out who she is so I can move in from my sad, lonely, dark past and become the new me...
I'm starting a new chapter of my life and I want to share it with everyone. I'm trying hard not to focus on finding love again because then I'd be growing up too fast. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I need to focus on my friends, family, and future. Now that I'm 15 and a sophomore, I need to focus on my goal in life, becoming a pediatric oncologist. The only way I can get there is to start over, turn over a new leaf and find out who I really am. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking lately and it's made me realize that I know who my friends are, what I like, and what I like to do but I don't know whose friends they are or who likes to do those things. Right now, I just need to find out who she is so I can move in from my sad, lonely, dark past and become the new me...
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